Learning #1: I know nothing.

hello and welcome

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” — Socrates.

During my last quarter of college, I remember thinking: “man I am going to be so out of my league when I move to San Francisco”. The city attracts some of the brightest people in tech. Fascinating side projects, thought-provoking blog posts, large Twitter followings — people living in Silicon Valley seemed incredibly smart. And I was excited: I would be surrounded by the latest trends and hottest startups. 

Back then, I didn’t know that this emphasis on tech and work is also what drives many people out of SF. The inescapable surface-level chatter of headlines, the flaunting of company logos, and the painfully stale introductory question at social events, “where do you work?” — as if it defines you. To contextualize my bright-eyed excitement for those who associate the city with a dreary emphasis on tech, I spent college exploring a range of interests. At Dartmouth, I majored in Philosophy alongside Computer Science, immersed myself in on-campus groups, and spent whatever time I could outdoors — hiking, swimming in the Connecticut river, learning to ski. After a transformative four years, however, I itched to specialize. And where better to do this than the city that technology enthusiasts all over the world flock to?

Let it be known that it is very different to know you are going to be out of your league and to feel out of your league. When I started working in August 2021, I was alarmed by how unprepared I was to be a software engineer at a startup. Picture this: a month in, I was collaborating with a Senior Engineer who had been in the industry for 13 years and I barely knew the fundamentals of Typescript. So by “collaborate” I mean that I was asking him basic Typescript questions as he typed (pun not intended) away. “Maybe I am just not cut out to be a software engineer?” - January 2022. To this, my dad gently suggested that I write down what I am learning every day to focus on the baby steps. 

Eleven months later, I am still writing down what I am learning, and I have come a long way. At work, I am proud that I have domain expertise on a few Coda importers (Youtube demo) and can fix issues when they arise (Twitter thread). Still, when I look at where I aspire to be both as a software engineer and as a well-rounded thinker, the road ahead is infinitesimally longer than the road traveled. When I moved, I told myself that I would give myself a year to “catch up” to where I wanted to be. I thought that the “learnings” section of my journal entries would taper off after a year of diligence, similar to the way they did in high school and college. But if anything, the entries have become more dense as I get tasked with harder problems and meet new, inspiring people. 

Sometimes there is a paralyzing fear that I will never be a part of SF’s niche of thought leaders because I don’t know and will never know enough. Earlier this month, a friend made a snarky comment about my poorly-phrased question about DALL-E, and embarrassingly, it brought me to tears. What bothered me most was that teasing from a friend who cares for me can shake my self-confidence. So after some reflection, I concluded: I need to accept and be able to laugh at the fact that I will never know everything I want or feel like I should know. There will always be someone smarter in the room. And historically when that has not been the case, I have moved to another room. As I grow and my goals change, I will be drawn to new roles that require skills I have never practiced. If I know that about myself, then I might as well accept that I know nothing. And if I accept that I know nothing, since I am not content with being ignorant, I should also accept that I will always be absorbing new information. I.e - the learnings section in my journal is not tapering off in the foreseeable future.  

The idea for this substack was born out of this realization. For my benefit of getting to delve deeper into the topics I am learning about, and so that you don’t need to ask the dumb questions I have already asked –– I will be sharing my learnings on my cozy, corner of the internet. Follow along if you’re interested in what I am learning as a woman with unfulfilled ambitions navigating Silicon Valley and trying to find her place.

“I am wiser than that man. Neither of us probably knows anything worthwhile; but he thinks he does when he does not, and I do not and do not think I do.” - Socrates

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thanks to Papa, Mummy, Juhi Kalra, and Ishaan Jaffer for their candid thoughts